That is definitely not the case anymore.
I find myself wondering why people forge into relationships. I'm starting to wonder why I feel like I'm trying so hard and yet, I get told on a constant basis that I don't try at all. I found out today that I am being watched, judged, and some days tested... He now counts the number of times I leave a spoon in the sink or counts how long it takes me to fold the socks he piles on the dresser. I'm never given verbal cues... I'm used to verbal cues... "Hey babe, can you fold those socks I put on the dresser yesterday? I'd really appreciate it."..... I haven't heard anything remotely similar in a long time.
I thought you were supposed to be happy after five years... We're working on number six and I often worry we won't make it. I try to sit down and talk like adults and everything gets put on my shoulders, it seems. According to him, the root of all our relationship problems lies in my untidiness. I'm not a complete slob, I am just forgetful. I often leave my hair dryer on the bathroom counter, I recently left a cup on my nightstand, and I had two pairs of shoes by the front door. These are all things that, apparently, drive him bonkers. To the point of telling me he no longer likes to be around me. He doesn't like me because I am a "slob."
Whenever he goes on a cleaning tangent, I want to assist. Yesterday was one of those days. He blares his music and just goes crazy on the house. I decided to pitch in and do the dishes. To my surprise, I was yelled at. I was told not to do anything because he wanted to clean. Now, what exactly am I supposed to do with this information? I'm confused. Tori clean, you're a slob. Tori don't clean, I'm doing it. I don't think I'll ever win this battle.
I understand he's definitely OCD with cleaning, but apparently I'm supposed to accept it wholly, and never try to push him to change. I'm supposed to change myself completely to accommodate him. All he has to do is see that I've stopped being a slob, and he magically starts caring for me again.
For some reason, I don't exactly see it working out that way.
My feelings are never put into place. I'm always given an ultimatum.
I haven't heard him tell me he loves me in a long time. And I mean that as a spur of the moment type of thing. I say it often and he responds in robotic fashion, as he has learned to. He feels he shouldn't "be forced" to tell me he loves me 10 times a day and yet, it comes naturally to me.
I don't think I've felt this broken in a long time. I feel like I'm trying and all that happens is me feeling worthless and him being Mr. Superiority. Mr. Always Right.
I've tried to explain the "it takes two to tango" scenario, and he doesn't get it. I tried to explain that everything in our lives is supposed to be WE not ME. It's supposed to be US. He thinks it's ridiculous to give me a heads up when he invites someone over. He also thinks it's appropriate to blare his music whilst everyone is home trying to do their own thing, getting a headache from the noise.
It's interesting how suddenly all of the things he LOVES doing, are disrespectful of the other people in the house. It's like, he would rather us not be there.
I feel disrespected on a regular basis. He always refers to my feelings being hurt as "not being over him leaving me." I find that asinine. It neither relates to my feelings nor has any validity at this point in my life.
YOU CREATED THIS TRAIN WRECK AND YOU REFUSE TO EVEN ATTEMPT TO FIX IT.
When is it acceptable to throw in the towel? I'm tearing apart at the seams.
